Merrick Garland Makes A Surprise Appearance

Recently, Attorney General Merrick Garland stunned the world by making an unexpected visit to Ukraine, which is presently torn apart by violent conflict.

Garland, however, appeared to have a remarkably safe visit, free from scares of any kind.

The purpose of the AG’s visit was presumably to reaffirm the United States’ commitment to assisting Ukraine with identifying, apprehending, and prosecuting individuals suspected of being involved in various “atrocities” and “war crimes.”

Anthony Coley, who serves as a spokesman for the Department of Justice, tweeted a video of Garland from Ukraine, where the attorney general proclaimed that he made a surprise visit to the nation in order to “express the unwavering support of the United States for [Ukrainians amid] the unprovoked, unjust Russian invasion.”

Elsewhere in the video, Garland proclaimed that he was physically present in Ukraine in order “to continue … discussions” regarding the actions undertaken by the United States on behalf of Ukrainian authorities, chiefly by “holding accountable [the individuals] responsible for the atrocities for the war crimes that the entire world has seen.”

It is unclear how Garland intends to not only find, but also apprehend, individuals accused of war crimes, though the attorney general made a valiant show of attempting to do so.

“The United States is sending an unmistakable message: There is no place to hide,” Garland boomed for emphasis.

The attorney general continued on to insist that the United States also enjoyed the support of its allies in its alleged pursuit of war criminals, claiming that they would jointly “pursue every avenue available to make sure that those who are responsible for these atrocities are held accountable.”

One such avenue unlikely to be involved in the pursuit includes none other than Hunter Biden’s laptop, despite the fact that leaked video footage reveals the president’s son fretting over Russians blackmailing Biden, well before Biden was elected to serve as the leader of the nation.

In the leaked video footage, Hunter Biden can be heard rambling on to a random prostitute about Russians blackmailing his father, the evidence of which is more than obvious in the White House’s utterly ineffectual response in Ukraine today.

Thus far, the most tangible outcome of the conflict includes enormously elevated energy prices for Americans and other Western allies alike, while commonly acknowledged enemies of the nation, such as China, are experiencing immense benefits from its so-called “friendship without limits” with Russia.

One such benefit includes receiving oil at a rumored 30 percent discount from Russia, as well as the fact that the Biden White House is apparently mulling giving even more economic freebies to China in a lame attempt to garner a few more votes for the 2022 midterm elections.


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